Saturday, May 5, 2007

Shearly Wonderful Bitch Slap Fest

Give me a head with hair, long beautiful hair, shining gleaming steaming flaxen waxen. Give me it down to there, hair, shoulder length or longer, here, baby, there, mamma, everywhere, daddy daddy hair! Flow it, show it, long as God can grow it ...

You're right, Anthony, they're all wankers. But first, I gotta take Ms. Goodie Two Shoes down. This win's gone to her head. She's singing that loony Hair song in front of the judges! There's room for only one Diva on this show and you're looking at her.

Say what, Bitch?

You've singlehandedly set back the hair profession and all scientific inquiry as we know it. Not to mention lawn maintenance procedures.

Posted by Ms. Place

Friday, May 4, 2007

Shear Genius: Chatting With Danna

She not only did it once...
she did it twice this week.
Two wins for Danna.

We are thrilled to have a chance to chat with Danna.

US: What's the best way to make gray hair look better?

Danna: I feel that Grey hair can be very depends on the hair the Grey and if it makes the person look older instead of distinguished. if it works the best way to enhance the Grey would be to use a sliver rinse or shampoo's that would brighten the Grey and eliminate yellow tones.

Click HERE to read more.

The Misadventures of Patty Jean Coleman

This weeks adventure takes Patty Jean to Industrie Hair Gurus which is owned by the terrifying, but beautiful, Tabatha Coffey.
PJC: Nice place you have here.
TC: Of course it is.
PJC: I would like something special done to my hair, what do you suggest?
TC: Putting a bag over your head.
PJC: That was a joke, wasn't it?
TC: No
TC: Who the hell cut your hair before? Some bitch with hedge clippers?
PJC: As a matter of fact...
TC: Oh shut the fuck up and sit down.
PJC: So tell me a little about yourself and how you got started as a hair stylist.
TC: Didn't I tell you to shut the fuck up?
PJC: But I need information to put in the blog.
TC: What part of shut the fuck up did you not understand?
TC: This is the best you'll ever look. And that's not saying much.
PJC: Oh I love it, I look like a princess. Thank you!
TC: You look like shit, but at least your hair looks good.
PJC: Can I ask you at least one question?
TC: Only if it's for directions to the door.
PJC: But...
TC: Are you related to that stupid hedge clipper bitch? She didn't know how to shut the fuck up either.
PJC: OK, ok, I get the hint. I'm leaving. It was a pleasure meeting you.
TC: I can assure you that the pleasure was all yours.


Posted by TheHoInMO

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Getting Fit With Jackie

Double click on application form to read it

Congratulations, Ms. Place! Having deemed you a hopeless physical mess, and your nutritional knowledge less than sound, we at Sky Lab have accepted you into our program. Please send all checks to Bravo and choose the trainers in the order you would like to work with them. State your reasons why. The Sky Lab Training Crew

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Shear Genius: That Looks Familiar...

Though the intent was suppose to be giving Vanessa Williams a current style for the red carpet...I question what red carpet these stylists thought she'd be walking down...
Breakfast at Tiffanys Premiere

1850's Art Exhibit Opening

Marie Antoinette's Inaugural Ball

Supremes First World Tour

Elizabeth Taylor's First Wedding

Camille Clifford play opening

Madonna's Virgin Concert

Highschool Prom

Bye, Evangelin
Dahling, what on earth were you thinking? Did your head get puffed up with shear nonsense? Did you start to live in a fairytale world? Seems so. You weren't even receptive to Rene when he tried to steer you in the right direction. At the very least you reached your goal: You created something different.

It was fun to watch you, however. I hope you go on to have a shearly wonderful career as the Hedge Clipper Girl.

And the winner is...!

...Danna, for a hairstyle that would look spectacular on Vanessa Williams, and did indeed resemble old Hollywood glam. Congratulations for stealing the entire night and winning both the quickfire and elimination challenges.

Posted by Ms. Place

Shear Genius: Episode 4

And we're back...with another preview!
Click here to check out a preview of tonights episode.

And now answer the question?
Who will go?

Workout: Large and In Charge

How do you leave your business to a lovable, yet big headed oaf when you're sleeping with another of your employee's?...Very carefully. Really though, what does that say about your relationship? You like her but you can't trust her with the most important thing in your life. Hmmm....If I was Rebecca...I would start reveiwing my relationship....

And I have to say, last season I was NOT a Peeler fan. But he's definately growing on me and my guess is that he's good at his job if not anything else....Let's see what Marius has to say about the Workout Boys...Marius....

Posted By Damselfly

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Shear Genius: Caption Corner - Episode III

Sorry for being late, everyone. My computer was experiencing some growing pains that had to be tended to before I could complete this post. Fortunately, it was minor and she's back up and running.

My thanks again to everyone who submitted a caption entry. It was even harder this week to select a winner because there were two that really stood out. Personally, I couldn't decide which was funnier and since funny is funny and they both were VERY funny we decided to split the win between Nutmeg and our own Damselfly.

So without further ado, please enjoy our two winners for the week:

Nutmeg's Caption
I suspect we wouldn't be surprised if one day we came to discover that Sally had been fashioning a full bodysuit made of balls...

Damselfly's Caption
Oh, sure, Sally. Blame it on the hair...

Thank you, ladies, for bringing the funny! And thanks again to everyone for your entries!

Now here's a few new captions from last week's episode to get your warmed up for this week's image:

We lobbied for ass whoopins, but the network said, "no."

Heaven must be a very soggy place...

Why dont'cha offer him a lollipop and find out?

America agrees.

Now here's your image for the week. I'm sure you've all been waiting to caption something with Tabatha so enjoy. Just for reference, if I'm not mistaken, I believe this was where everyone was crying and Tabatha was absolutely puzzled by the display of emotion.

Have fun!

Posted By Laz

Monday, April 30, 2007

Separated at birth...?

Tabatha . . . . & . . . . Bjork

Shear Genius: Chatting with Lacey

Even though she left us last Wednesday, Lacey put aside some time in her appointment book to answer some of our questions. And even though she didn't cut it on Shear Genius, we're pretty sure she has hair advice to offer.

To read more....


Posted by TheHoInMO

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Shear Genius: Texas Chainsaw Massacre!

posted by Eric3000

For the third episode's quickfire challenge the geniuses get to watch Sally create her famous Sally shag.

Geniuses: "Ooh! It's such an honor to get to watch Sally perform a haircut!"

Well, yes, I guess it's marginally more entertaining than watching someone "perform" an oil change.

Then the geniuses have to re-create the exact cut.

Tyson wins!

John Edwards: "I would totally pay $650 for that haircut!"

Ann Coulter: "Fag."

To continue reading this post click here!